The Never-ending Story

The unanswered question, the continual desire, the ultimate idea.

Africa.

Or maybe better phrased: Africa?

Or even: China? Scotland? Please some other country than America, and some other purpose than making lattes (this is a joke, because I rather enjoy my job)?

 

I know that missions is the Lord's will. I know that I am financially and physically capable of going. I know I have the time, the desire, and the support system. I know that I love the Lord and want to do His will. I know that I would be well within His will by going and doing. But, as I am learning, there is a difference between being in the Lord's will and in the Lord's plan. And I want so badly to stay in the Lord's plan.

 

So then, I ask myself all the time, why cant I go?

So then, I ask my Father, why aren't You letting me?

 

I could, very easily, fill out an application and jump on a plane. But, every time I get close to doing so, my sweet gracious amazing Christ says gently, "No. Not yet." Ok then, when? Why not now? What am I doing here? 

 

These questions, however, are not answered. The only answer I am given is, "Stay still. Learn contentment. I have provided for you thus far, and I will continue to. Be faithful in what I have given you for this step. Forget what society thinks and expects. Focus in on Me alone, and be faithful, beloved."

 

Which, if we are going to be honest here, is more than I could ever possibly deserve. The God of the universe is concerned enough with my struggles and my heartache that He time and time and freaking time again tells me lovingly to stop and be still. How could I have become so cold to that? So accustomed to knowing what He is speaking into my life that I forget how completely incredible it is - no matter what He is actually saying! Oh, to be loved and cherished by such a patient Creator and Lord in this way. Its my favorite thing ever. :)

 

Sweet words from a dear friend last night spoke very clearly to my heart, and directly into this situation: "Stay the course." Stay on the path, keep sight of the goal, continue one step at a time, be faithful in each day.

 

I am still frustrated. I feel stuck some days. Alright, lets not kid, sometimes its most days. I am antsy, and discontent. But, I'm beginning to believe those are the very reasons I am still here. He is still teaching me and growing me. So, like Mumford & Sons said very repetitively: I will wait. And I will (try) to learn to love the skies I'm under. (Also Mumford, sorry, I'm on a roll...)

 

"Drudgery is the test of genuine character. ... I must realize that my obedience even in the smallest detail of life has all the omnipotent power of the grace of God behind it." Oswald Chambers

 

"Spiritual desires are the shadows of coming blessing. What God intends to give us He first sets us longing for. Hence the wonderful efficiency of prayer, because prayer is the embodiment of a longing inspired of God because He intends to bestow blessing. What are thy longings then, dear hearer?" - Charles Spurgeon